30/10 Swansea Part 2

Grimsby Town 1 Swansea City 1
30 Oct 2004, Coca Cola League 2

Isn’t that John Redwood down there in a powder blue jumper?

Thankfully the referee was bored too and decided to spice up our lives with decisions as bad as his hair. Reddy knocked the ball out for a throw in at the Pontoon end of the Stones/ Findus/ Smiths stand. Of course it ‘s a free kick to Swansea. A minute or so later, down by the corner flag, Whittle was boombled about by Connor. Whittle got his body between man and ball, was wrestled aside and the linesman flagged for a Town free kick. The referee, ideally positioned in his chalet near the Boating Lake, gave Swansea a free kick. Much moanage, much danger, Jones skimmed the cross away for a corner. Much more moanage, much more danger as Town took a laissez-faire attitude to defending, leaving Leon Britton alone on the edge of the area, in the centre. The corner was headed out straight to him and his shot was deflected to Trundle, eight yards out. Phew, an alert linesman at last, offside.

Leon Britton? Are we being plagued by former Conservative cabinet ministers? Come to think of it, the referee had Margaret Thatcher’s hair, and her attitude to social justice.

Half an hour gone. Felt like three days.

Did someone stick an electric cattle prod in Town? Suddenly the leviathan awoke. Three passes, Parkinson tapping the ball through, Reddy behind the defence, Gueret off his line, Reddy falling, linesman flagging. Eventually. Another minute, another Town attack. Ping-pong passing, Crowe looping something goalwards from the edge of the area. The ball curled gracefully over the bar. Jones firmly headed straight at Gueret from a free kick on the right. See what passing does?

See what sleeping does? Swansea broke away quickly, Town conceded a corner. Britton wandered towards the corner of the penalty area, no-one bothered. The ball was tapped to the tiny tot, who dribbled goalwards and swished a low drive into the side netting from a narrow angle and just a few yards out. Wakey-wakey.

And the same to them. Town got a free kick out on the right and simply tapped it infield to Gordon, about 35 yards out. He did his thing, taking one stride and wobbling a smacker goalwards. Gueret’s feet went left, the ball swerved to his right, his hands wibbled and wafted about his face, punching the ball clear spectacularly. Well, he is French.

Back to Snoozeville.

Swansea had an attack. The ball was crossed, Connor glanced it a couple of feet wide. Silence in the studio. Half time.

Half time: Grimsby Town 0 Swansea City 0

Short, but not sweet. No jokes, because it was no joke watching this utterly dire entertainment. Both sides appeared happy to be destructive, to hope something would turn up. For the second home game running the opposition had been superior passers, with Town direct and unthreatening. It was like watching a Nicky Law side; lots of energy, no élan.

Feel free to let out a primal scream at this point.

"Do you parboil before coating in oil?"
"I got in for free and I still want my money back"
"I think my dad booked Clive Webb for the folk club - and he was barmy"
"Just because we’re in the fourth doesn’t mean we have to play like Scunny"
"Perhaps Sestanovich has a leaking radiator."